Back in mid- April just before Hephzibah’s second birthday it suddenly crossed my mind that lockdown was the perfect place to potty train.

Hephzibah had shown zero signs that she was ready to potty train. She hated having her nappy changed, seemed unaware of when she needed a poo or wee and would have happily hung out in a diaper with either of those in all day!

6 weeks into lockdown I committed to the thought that was flying around my head to start potty training Hephzibah. There had been no real signs that she was ready to potty train I just thought it would be worth a shot because we were at home all day with no where to go and liked the idea that there was very low-expectation so we could just see how it went.

On the 28th of April, a week before Hephzibah’s due date, at around 3/4am in the morning, I remember getting up multiple times to go to the toilet in a little bit of discomfort. It hadn’t really crossed my mind that I was in labour as I had no idea what contractions should, or would feel like, and at the time I thought they were probably just braxton hicks.

Elvie pride themselves on bringing women’s technology out of the dark ages, wanting to improve women’s lives through smarter technology. Elvie is only their second product so far, standing alongside a Kegel trainer, that helps women to improve their pelvic floor. Earlier last month they released their new silent hassle free breast pump and everything kicked off!

I’d NEVER even considered it wouldn’t be an option to breast feed. I skipped the free breast feeding classes, and, wanting a breast reduction all throughout my upper school years to lighten the load, didn’t go any further with it only because there was a possibility that the operation could have meant I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed.

I remember sat on the floor of our bedroom crying, confused how I would ever make pumping work whilst also dealing with this deep grief I felt at the reality that it was seeming less and less likely that she would begin to breastfeed from me again however much I was believing she would.

We don’t need political answers or opinions. We need to displace what seems to be taking dominion, sowing love instead of hatred, and peace instead of confusion. For what you sow YOU will reap, and I want to reap a harvest of plenty, love, peace, joy and healing. 

So often though, we as children flounder and falter away from the place where our safety and security is truly found. We attempt to build our own protection, lying beneath man made coverings, fighting self-evoked wars and retreating back inside our ever increasing walls of fortress.

The truth is, if you put God in a box He’s not gonna be there, because He can’t be put in one. The Holy Spirit blows where He pleases and not according to where we want Him to blow. What if God was waiting for you to hear what you’d never known before, what if the Holy Spirit, who has too often been shelved, disregarded and silenced, is the new thing He’s been waiting to speak.

What if, what if God really did want us to celebrate ourselves? What if He called us righteous and lovely, because He wanted us to see it in ourselves too? To celebrate rather than deny, and offer up rather than shy away. What if, by celebrating our gifting and who we are, we actually brought glory to the one who placed it within us.

From formless earth dark and void, God spoke, and light burst forth. Blind eyes spoken to gained sight and a fig tree cursed, withered. Demons fled at the Son of God’s rebuke, and a storm was stilled with the command for the raging waves to be silenced. It was neither smart thinking nor cunning that got Jesus out from the wilderness but the declaration of who He was as the Son of God.

The more we risk, the more we realise how much more there is to give. The more we are pushed to count the cost less, and surrender more of who we are. It’s the yieldedness of the ‘yes’ that is so precious to Him. ‘Yes I will go, Lord’ ‘Yes, Lord, send me’. ‘Yes Lord, What more can I give’.

I must worship though I feel nothing, rejoice though my spirit feels barren and thank Him for the very things I do not see. My feelings do not determine the reality of God. Because while our feelings change, He doesn’t. It is a beautiful offering- the heart that chooses to praise though it feels so desolate.

I will yield the reward of intimacy with my King to the extent in which I choose to find Him.

Your Daddy is standing in a swimming pool, a little bit out from the edge. You are, let’s say, three years old and standing on the edge of the pool. Your Daddy holds out his arms to you and says, “Jump, I’l catch you. I promise. Now, how do you make your daddy look good in that moment? Answer, trust him and jump. - John Piper

Make your choice, adventurous Stranger,
Strike the bell and bide the danger
Or wonder, till it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had.
C.S Lewis

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” J.R.R Tolkein 

Many people are waiting for the permission to climb higher and jump higher. You don’t need permission. Jesus living inside of you contains all that is necessary to eradicate the apathy and the normalcy.